WeekendCoffeeShare: Mother’s Day…

If we were having coffee, we’d be sitting around my dinner table, morning light drifting through the window. I’d offer you some cream, and we’d munch on toast with jam, the seeds in the bread sticking to our fingers. I’d take a sip from my purple mug, and tell you that I was unsettled by Mother’s Day this year, but not for the reasons you might expect.

As I was washing dishes the other day, sunk deep below the surface of my thoughts, a truth about myself took shape, and it caught me off-guard.

I want to have children someday, and I’m afraid of that want. 

For a long time, I was afraid that I would lose track of my goals if I became a parent. But now, the fear has shifted. What will happen to me if I don’t carry my children to term? I’m afraid that I will be at odds with my body, horrified by the way that life and death take up residence in my womb.

Mother’s Day. The mothers whose children survive are the ones who are celebrated. But what about the mothers whose children are silent? I’m afraid my children will quicken inside me, but never know what it is to live.

You and I are quiet, our cups almost empty. The trees drop their seeds outside, and it looks like springtime snow.


This post is part of the #WeekendCoffeeShare event hosted by Part-Time Monster, and it’s my first!

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12 thoughts on “WeekendCoffeeShare: Mother’s Day…

  1. This is a reasonable fear. So much are out of our hands. Even when they are born healthy, the fear of them taking their first steps, will they be fine crossing the street, at a neighbors house, at school, college, travel….it goes on and on and never stops! The fear is real and always there. As is the responsibility to another human. The same fears creep in because the responsibility is big. Fear is there no matter what. As long as I am alive, I will fear and worry and stress. That is the way it is. Best wishes in your search for what is right and good for you. Peace, Koko

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